As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m an American travel writer who’s been living between Panama and Colombia for the last three years. When people ask me what living in Latin America is like, I usually have great things to say: I’m living the dream, it’s paradise on earth, what more could I ask for, et cetera.”  But every once in a while, I must admit I miss good old American customer service and this is one of those times. Forgive me if I sound like a culturally insensitive “ugly American,” but I would be doing readers an injustice if I claimed there haven’t been times when I just want to scream and pack my bags up.

One thing I’ve learned during my time in Panama and Colombia is that expecting American or European-level customer service is not the key to happiness. In Colombia, I’ve found that service is quick, warm and friendly, at least in the Andean region. You won’t have to wait long before a very professional waiter or waitress approaches you. But while Colombian servers and baristas generally acknowledge your existence in a friendly way, sometimes they forget about you and you, the customer, are not necessary always right.

In Panama it’s an entirely different story  Sometimes, customers seem to be the last thing on the customer service representative’s mind. I should clarify: Panama City is particularly frustrating when it comes to customer service, but in other parts of the country, people are much more helpful and friendlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe I’m over generalizing , but these are just my experiences from living abroad.

Actual conversations I’ve had with various customer service reps:

(At a restaurant on the PanAmerican Highway near Playa Blanca)

Me: Hi, we’ve been waiting for 15 minutes, do you think you could take our order?

Server: Sure, as soon as I get off the phone. Give me a few minutes.

—

At a Panama City sushi place:

Me: I’d like option #1 but with no cream cheese please.

Server: OK, no cream cheese. Anything else?

Me: Nope, just please make sure the rolls don’t have any cream cheese. I’m allergic. (Allergies seemed like the best way to guarantee something)

And of course, the rolls arrive with cream cheese.

Me: I’d actually asked for no cream cheese….

Server: Looks irritated.

—

At my beloved Niko’s Cafe:

Me: I would like a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella.

Server: One grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella.

10 minutes later.

Server: Hi, I actually ordered like 10 minutes ago…is it ready yet?

Server: Oh, yeah, hold on, let me make it.

Me: Ok…

5 minutes later.

Me: Ready yet?

Server: About to start it.

5 minutes later, hands me an American cheese sandwich.

ME: I actually asked for mozzarella…

Server: Oh, I thought you said American.

Me: American will do.

—

An example from Dilettos Cafe in Bogota:

Me: Can I please have a passion fruit juice?

Server: Sure.

Me. Actually, can I get the lunchtime special? (Sandwich, chips and juice).

Server: Sure. Passion fruit juice, right?

Me: Right.

Brings me only juice.

Me: Actually, I wanted the lunch special.

Server: No, you said you wanted the passion fruit juice.

Me: Yes, I wanted the passion fruit juice as part of my lunch special.

Server: No, you just said you wanted the passion fruit juice. I remember.

We argue for a bit.

Me: Can you please just bring me a lunch special?

For more on Panama, check out my article about living and working in Boquete.